Thursday, 19 June 2008


I have an appointment (date) with the Black Knight tomorrow.... I'm very very scared I hate it!  My vein is still f..ked from last time.  My arm has been very painful.  Thank God my wonderful Mother is coming with me and will fight my corner.  

All I'm doing is thinking of when this is all over.  I'm going to have a party called 'Thank God It's All Over'.  It's going to be in the VIP room of my club and I'm going to invite everyone that has supported me during this journey.  My lovely Big boss it coming as is my family.  Can't wait for them all to meet.

Please please think of me tomorrow  I have that horrid feeling that reminds me of Sunday afternoons before I had to go back to boarding school when I was little.  I get the same sick feeling in my stomach and just want to dig a hole and hide in it.  Or have a magic power that makes me invisible until Saturday. I'm scared and want to vanish!  

I'm making no sense because I'm scared.  Tonight is a very dark moment for me.  I so so cant wait for this to be over.  I think chemo is the most horrendous thing ever.  When I had the cancer growing in me my live was good.  No pain, no nastiness, just a strange lump.  Now I'm supposedly getting better its horrid.  

I'm sorry for being so negative but I'm in a very dark place tonight. 

In 24 hours this will be behind me.  I'll just feel like shit and wonder if live is worth it.

Sorry, sorry sorry.

Just hate life right now.


I hate chemo.  Actually I HATE HATE HATE Chemo.  

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