Tuesday, 29 July 2008


Was about to write about my holiday but then I read Mary's comments!  I love, Love, LOVE you Mary.

Anyway back to holiday:

Being here is very strange.  This place is enormously glamorous so being white, bald and bloated is not really the look.  So much so I'm the recipient of some very unpleasant attention. They have no shame and stare without fear.  If I try and stare back it makes no difference they just keep the look with an extra pinch of disgust thrown in.  I've learnt to keep my eyes on the ground so as not to get upset by the whole situation.

This weekend on of my most special people came out to stay.  His name is Dominico and I totally love him.  He's probably the closet thing my children have to a step father as he's always been there for them and me.  We've been best friends for far too long and I have no idea how I'd cope without him.  Dominico is gay and without a doubt one of the best looking men on this planet.  Believe me I'm not alone on this one.  He leaves a trail of broken hearts behind him.  Not only is he beautiful, he's glamorous, witty and intelligent with a body that would melt even the hardest hart. 

I collected him from the airport and we went strait off to do one of our special things... Supermarket shopping.  We love doing this together and can often be found down the isles of Sainsbury on a Saturday night.  We know really sad; when the rest of London is out having fun we are blissfully happy buying groceries.  He's an amazing cook.  Well its like everything is his life perfect!  Anyway I digress.  We are in the supermarket getting very excited about the amazing food on offer and filling a trolly when suddenly he starts to shriek with laughter!  Yes I'd received a particularly nasty stare.  I can't begin to tell you how lovely it was to have someone normalise this strange situation.  It made me, at last realise they are the sad people not me.  I should not give a fuck about what they think as its really rather funny.  

Later that evening my sister-in-law has two friends and their children over, one is the ex wife of a famous sports personality and the other is the daughter of a famous TV personality.  Both were thrilled with Dominico (also immensely impressed with his body and tan) and we has a very happy two days.  The four of us getting drunk and slightly stoned together.  I felt normal and no longer a freak.  So much so that when I drove Dominico back to the airport I forgot to wear a scarf and was bald  without a care in the world.  

Apart from the horrid stares the holiday has been heaven and I'm sure I'll have loads more stories to write about it soon.  Right now I'm off to bed as I have to do loads of packing tomorrow.

Dominico darling thank you so much for making me so happy.


Saturday, 19 July 2008


I never thought I'd have a problem writhing this blog!   But I've found I do right now!  There is no reason for this in the world as I have so much to say, although formulating it is so hard!  I have no idea where to begin.  I've decide to summarise it in a point formula.

Point 1
I'm so so sorry about the very weak last blog!  Chemo does funny things to me.

Point 2
Totally forgot to write about Mary's visit!  So here goes! (Doing this especially for Mary who I know is reading my blog) 

I was so excited about Mary's visit and when she arrived I was pathetic!  I took one look at her and burst into tears!!!  Great welcome!  Sad sobbing, bald person at the door.  She arrive with flowers and an enormous amount of happiness for me.  I was totally overcome.  Remember this was three days after chemo so was not that strong.  Also remember I had not seen her for years. Was supposed to have had a sleep before her arrival but like a small child was too excited!  Then we had to have a celebration drink, which is not a good idea so soon after chemo.  By this time I felt invincible (lack of sleep , too much excitement and overwhelming happiness) So started on Vodka, followed by Pinot Blush (my favourite wine).  Naughty and wonderful Jamie arrived as well as the magical Ian, and the party was if full swing.  Well ish!  Like and over excited child I got emotional and had to take myself to bed at 8.30!  Such  a shame!  So badly hated myself!  Why do I do this?  I missed all the fun!  Nest morning Mary went off with her sister for a spa day while I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself.  That night lovely Eric came over for dinner.  it was hysterical.  We laughed about the two enemies in my live who will remain nameless.  (One day I will totally tell the whole story).  And I was very well behaved.  I went to bed at the kind of time a person with cancer should and left the two of them having a private disco.

In the morning I found Eric asleep on my floor and Mary looking very wobbly!  She'd promised to go to the doctor with me!  I was just going to make sure I was getting all the freebies I can and also to check out my Hothead situation (menopause).  We got to the doctors with Mary clutching a diet coke, which she promptly spilt all over the waiting room chairs! You can't take the girl anywhere!  Once we left the doctor she decided she needed a hair of the dog drink!  This is half ten in the morning!  Anyway being a good hostess I reluctantly obliged! By 12.00 I was beyond repair! I'd had four LARGE glasses of wine on and empty stomach!  There are several funny stories about this short period but I feel they are best kept between me and Mary!  If she feels they need to be aired then its up to her to contribute!  I reluctantly said a sad good bye to her as she found her way to Hampton Court for the wedding she'd come to London to attend.

Point 3
I'm now in Spain.  This is where things get hard!  I need to describe my lovely home and holiday but every time I try I just think I sound like the most spoilt bitch.  I think you must realise by now I'm a fairly privileged individual.  And this is where I'm going to end for now because I have no idea how to write about my holiday.  I think I'll sleep on it and try again tomorrow.  Suffice to say I'm in the place I'm happiest.

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Time again

tomorrow I'm back having my Chemo!  today was my last day at work for quite a while.  I have chemo the a week recovering then two weeks holiday (I booked the flights before I was diagnosed and by total fluke they fall nicely between my chemo) then the next cheom, which is my LAST!  After that I have two weeks radiotherapy followed by a week recovery.  So may not be back at work until September.  I'm still not totally sure as I don't have the dates for my radiotherapy.  

Anyway today was the last day at work for a while.  I have a lovely girl doing my job while I'm away and spent this week happily getting to know her and showing her the ropes. 

I so do have the best job in the world.  Today I got the loveliest bunch of flowers from two of my bar boys.  As well as loads of love and kisses from everyone.  I was so overwhelmed I cried.  Not a good look when you are trying to be a tough club bitch!  Also had a lovely farewell drink with lovely boss ad his family.  I'm actually going to miss work.  Do you know I wake up happy to go to work!  How lucky am I.  The down side is that its all so wonderful I'm convinced someone is going to steal my job.  If I could fix a burglar alarm to it I would, and although lovely girl who's doing my job is lovely I'm very worried she's going to steal it.

As I was on my way home from work I started thinking back over the past few months and I suddenly realised I'm going to miss my cancer when its gone!  Not the nasty side but all the attention I get and the fact its the best excuse you could wish for when you don't feel like doing something.  I think these last months have made me immensely spoilt.  I do believe I've turned into a brat!!!  Recovering is going to be the biggest anticlimax ever!  I've got to have to have a serious plan going forward to stop embarrassing spoilt brat tantrums erupting!  One of my projects while I'm away is to make a game plan for when I'm better.  I'll let you know when I have one!!